Relationships and Lifestyle Design
Using The Four Agreements For Conflict Resolution
A few years ago I found myself in a bungalow by the beach off the Thai coast in Koh Phangan. Having just quit my job as a high school teacher and starting out on my journey in lifestyle design I had most of the ingredients in place: time freedom, location freedom, financial freedom but something was missing.
I felt like an outcast from the financial belief system I had been taught since an early age.
First commandment: Thou Shall Sell Your Time To Earn Money To Meet Your Needs.
Along with the change in any set of beliefs comes a change in belonging and tribe. It’s one of the reasons why changing beliefs subconsciously terrifies us.
Having become so busy in the pursuit of time, location, and financial freedom I simply overlooked how my relationships would be affected. Then again the experience of loosing my tribe when I decided to adopt more tolerant beliefs than the religious community I had grown up wasn’t new to me.
The courage to be disliked in the pursuit of my vision of what an ideal life looks like is a giant hurdle I had to overcome.
Every Friday I share one lifestyle design idea, something I am reading, something that inspired me, and one question for my readers.
Ready for this week’s edition? Three, two, one…..
One Lifestyle Design Idea From Me
Have a conflict resolution checklist for your relationships.
Relationships are essential to lifestyle design. If you are lucky you are born into a loving family that exemplified healthy relationships, what to to expect, and how to engage.
However lucky or not, eventually conflict of some sort will show up. Conflicts can consume large amounts of time leaving you unproductive and unfulfilled. It can also drain you of vitality and energy.
Next time you witness a conflict arising in your counterpart or within yourself consider going through these four agreements in your mind as a diffusion checklist.
The book The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide To Personal Freedom outlines agreements you can keep with your most important relationship: your self, and with the other relationships in your life. The book goes into greater detail but I will list them here:
Be Impeccable with your word
Don’t take anything personally
Don’t make assumptions
Always do your best
Next time you are triggered by something someone does or says or you notice someone you are in a relationship with get triggered see if you can spot which of these agreements have been broken. Nine times our of ten it will jump right out at you.
You will be surprised how many relationship conflicts can be resolved by identifying which agreement has been broken and in the process identify which area of your relationship beliefs could use some nurturing.
What I Am Reading
Die With Zero: Getting All You Can From Your Money & Your Life by Bill Perkins. Book was recommended by one my readers. There is more to life than chasing money and buying things. The author encourages investing in experiences because they have a compounding memory dividend. I have to agree creating memorable experiences and sharing them with those you enjoy spending time with is one of life’s greatest rewards.
One Thing That Inspired Me
The list of mistakes you can never recover from is very short.
But you likely realize your life will not be destroyed if your book doesn’t sell or if a potential date turns you down or if your startup goes bust. It’s not the failed outcome that paralyzes us. It’s the possibility of looking stupid, feeling humiliated, or dealing with embarrassment that prevents us from getting started at all.
The first step to being courageous is being willing to look foolish.
via James Clear
One Question For My Readers
How can I be intentional and courageous in my relationships?
If you found value here it would mean a lot to me if you can share it with someone.
Comments, questions, or thoughts from you the reader are always welcomed.
Until Next Week. Happy week ahead!
More about what Ed is up to here.